Again the far Right has us shuddering in our boots while they wage a war protecting us. Against what dastardly foe this time you may ask. It’s the battle against Transgendered people and the threat they pose in public bathrooms.

Reality check…there have been no Transgender sexual attacks against innocent children or other women in bathrooms in any records I could find. The only confrontations usually occurred outside night clubs and they were usually a far “Right” person (male) attacking a Transgender person because it’s “against the Bible”. There was one case in Mpls where a Transgendered person killed her antagonist. I guess she had “turned the other cheek” long enough.

Another reality check…this is not a new sector of people that just appeared. There have been Transgendered people around, probably forever. Since 1976 the abbreviation used has been TG. The first case that made notoriety was Christine Jorgensen in 1952. There is now Transgender Awareness Week(s) that occur during the first two weeks of November. Transgender Day of Remembrance is on November 20^th. This day is set aside to memorialize those who have been murdered as a result of transphobia. People who are transphobic exhibit disgust, fear and anger toward TG people. (Hmm, sound like any presidential candidate(s) you know?)

All this time, and not a problem in those sacred public bathrooms. Makes me wonder…why now? This issue has blindsided us just as Zika did.

I believe that this was the sequence of events that created this TG brouhaha.

Either a self-righteous, judgmental, “religious” person took notice of Caitlin Jenner while looking throughout humanity for people that are not “normal”. That of course translates into not like them. Which then translates into sinner/evil. They must “out” this person so we can all be saved…in the name of God.

Or

A “lawnmower” mother who believes there is a predator waiting around every corner that has only sex on their mind and are waiting for her child. What is she protecting her child from in this case? Going to the bathroom in a stall next to an adult woman?

Worst case scenario … these two join forces. Churches and schools become the battlefields.

To the judgmental, Bible thumpin’ person I would ask, where in the Bible does God tells us that transgendering is a sin? Maybe while you’re looking for the passage you can pause for a moment on “Love thy neighbor as I…,” and “Judge not lest ye…”. Again, selective Bible weaponry. I don’t think penis or vagina are mentioned at all.

To the parent that is concerned about a sexual predator using a TG guise to get access to their child…think about it. If a true sexual predator is going to go to the extreme of passing as a TG person in public bathrooms as a ploy, I’d say we all missed some major red flags.

When you are in a public bathroom with a transgendered woman…it’s just that…you’re in the bathroom with another woman. I’m sure she would even hand you toilet paper under the stall wall if you asked.

It probably goes back to the Mom’s conversation with the judgmental guy when he defined “normal” for her. And he is right. The TG is not a normal woman/man. Frankly, I’d hardly fall under the category “normal” myself, and I think that’s a good thing.

To the people that continue to push bathroom segregation I say… stop it! I don’t want to see you victimize innocent people that simply want to go to the bathroom where THEY feel safe. Come on…it’s a normal bodily function that cannot be denied and should not be headline news.

It wasn’t an issue till you brought it up. Imagine that you were confined to your home because it had the only safe bathroom available to you. The key word here is safe. If you do decide to go out in public, you will be forced to use the bathroom assigned to the other gender. Who will be the victim when a woman enters the men’s bathroom?

It hasn’t been an issue, should not be an issue. As a matter of fact, people with all kinds of differences have all used the same bathroom in our house, and there’s never been a problem. Let people live their lives. There is nothing to be saved from here, except you. Look somewhere else for someone to “save” us from. Before you go, make sure you’re not banned from the public toilets. Your facilities might be reserved for “Normal People Only”. One advantage…there’ll never be a line.

The Zika virus is now hitting the American airways just like HIV did in 1981. They both have been in medical journals for years but there had not been an outbreak.

My jaw dropped when I first heard of Zika on the news a few weeks ago and they showed victims of the virus. A question that I’d had since the early 1980’s was finally answered.

A film that I watched in my early 30’s was “Freaks”. It’s an old black & white film made in 1932. (I love b&w movies!). The premise of the movie is that it takes place in a circus that is famous for its human freaks. The movie became famous because it cast REAL human freaks. Without going into detail I’ll just say, the scene where the legless, armless man is slithering in the mud with a knife clenched in his teeth left me wondering what he was going to do with it.

Three of the “freaks” fascinated me.  They were referred to as “pinheads” and were named Pip, Zip and Half Boy. I had never seen anyone with the receding foreheads like these three had. That is until I saw the Zika victims. This virus is creating a new group of special needs that we will need to address.

When one of these outbreaks of obsolete diseases/viruses occurs I wonder what triggered it. Global warming? Act of God? Why do they just pop up, almost out of nowhere? I know a major factor in spreading infections is the mobility of society…but what triggers the original case?

Zika is going to be a pretty big threat. When I heard a pregnant woman tell a newscaster that she wasn’t going to her sister’s wedding in Jamaica because of the Zika outbreak there, I thought “Your relatives will bring it home to you”. If anyone attending the wedding is bitten by a virus carrying-mosquito they now carry the virus. Imagine that the family gets together back home and the carrier is bitten by a mosquito who then moves to the pregnant woman and proceeds to bite (infect) her. Yikes!!

The people “in the know” have said that in addition to mosquito bites,it now can be contracted by saliva, blood and sexual contact. My biggest concern is,  we can control how we share bodily fluids, but how do we control those pesky insects…without killing the butterflies?

In the wake of the Pope’s visit I faced a conundrum. I felt rejuvenated and proud to say I was Catholic. Yet for over 40 years I’ve considered myself a “recovering” Catholic. What was it that made me turn away from this religion that now displayed a beam of hope for the planet?

Without hesitation the first word that flashes before me is GUILT. The subliminal message throughout my Catholic education was essentially the Smith Barney commercial from the 1970’s. Only I believed it should have been “How do Catholics make it to Heaven? The old-fashioned way…they EARN it.” You were required to be a good person, and it was work to stay that good.

When I was growing up, there were two groups of people…Catholics and Protestants.

I was lead to believe that it was far better to be Catholic. If you followed all the rules you could earn Heaven. These rules included all 10 of The Commandments and then some. If you broke one of the rules there would be a sin implanted in your soul.

These sins were divided into two different categories, Mortal and Venial. Both categories could be removed from your soul by going to confession and fulfilling a penitence which consisted of prayers based on the level of your crimes divvied up by the priest behind the screen. (The fewer “Our Fathers”…the better.)

Venial sins were the lesser of two evils. To commit a Venial sin required something minor like lying or petty theft. If you died with a Venial sin on your soul you still had hope of seeing the Golden Gates, but not until after you did some hard time in Purgatory.

My impression of Purgatory was a place where sinners floated in flames and suffered. But the fire wasn’t as hot as Hell and you got water breaks. A friend of mine described it as a Dr.’s waiting room with no magazines. Whatever the surroundings, I did know that the sentences had to be really long.

There were indulgences that you could obtain by simply writing JMJ (Jesus, Mary, Joseph for you Protestants) at the top of a paper. The indulgences would shorten your stay…kinda like getting time off for good behavior. The credit for JMJ was something like 15,784 years off your sentence. To me it was unfathomable to imagine what the total must be. But I knew that once your time was up, you got to go to Heaven.

To avoid Purgatory and go straight to Heaven you needed to go to confession. The penitence for “V” sins were minor. Usually 4 Hail Marys, 2 Our Fathers and a good Act of Contrition. Once confessed and the penitence was prayed the sins were erased and you were free of sin until the next lie. In that small window of time, you’d go straight to Heaven if you died.

Mortal sins were the biggies. If you died with a Mortal sin on your soul, it was straight to Hell for you….no “ands, ifs or buts”! Mortal sins consisted of acts such as murder, sex outside marriage, and missing church on Sunday.

I didn’t know if Protestants killed anybody or had hanky panky, but I did know many that never went to church on Sunday. When I asked a nun about it, she replied “They’re not going to Heaven anyway.” That was the mid 1950’s and was an incident that started me on the road of doubt. Why didn’t we tell them? This was my first glimpse of what I call Catholic arrogance.

The penitence for a Mortal sin was more like 10 Hail Mary’s, 8 Our Fathers and as always, a good Act of Contrition.

A major downside to walking around with an unconfessed and un-repented Mortal sin on your soul was that you could not receive communion. Many a rumor was started as the result of someone staying in the pew during communion on Sunday morning. The question was “What happened Saturday night?”

In 3^rd grade I got braces. Up until this time, my biggest challenge regarding communion was keeping Jesus from sticking to the roof of my mouth. Now I had a mouth filled with deadly hardware. To avoid catching Jesus in the barbed wire, I sat out a few communions. More than one person did a double take toward me while they were in the proceeding line and I often wondered what Mortal sin they believed I committed…especially the Sunday my brother went to an earlier service and wasn’t with us. That Sunday I kept a sly smile on my face and just stared straight ahead.

As a Catholic it seemed everything I did either would send me to a place of fire, or was done to eliminate my transgressions and clear me for Heaven. It was an ongoing battle that only Catholics could win because we knew the secret of making God happy…but it was work.

When things were bad, I knew it was my fault. (I’m still apologizing for Desert Storm…and I probably “let the dogs out”). Worse yet, when things were good I knew it wouldn’t last. I always waited for “the other shoe to drop” so I could repent and get my suffering done on Earth.

I guess I began my “recovering” process when I realized that if the teachings were correct, the majority of my friends and loved ones were destined for Hell. Knowing that this was absurd was a game changer. I now believe God is more interested in how I treat others than where I am sitting on Sunday mornings.

This will probably be the most serious yet joyful post I’ll ever write. I actually am struggling with what to title it. The title that you just read was determined when I dotted the last sentence of this post.

One title that came to mind was “Deb’s Confession” but that puts a negative connotation to it.  That probably came to mind because I am writing about something I’ve hinted at, but never came right out and said.

I’ll start at the beginning. About 4 years ago I was very sick. I was so frail that my husband had to lift my body out of the tub. (Just like my Mom told me, have a clean body & underwear if you’re going to the doctor.)  I spent 5 days in the hospital. The first few days occurred in a haze. Sometime during that haze I had a “hic-up in time”. I cannot pinpoint the exact time that the “Aha” moment occurred: I just left the hospital knowing that something about me was different. The best way I can explain it is that there was a moment in the haze where I actually felt my spirit and body as two separate things, almost looking at each other.

By my definition this was not what is considered a NDE (Near Death Experience). I didn’t experience the things that other people report (I wish I had), but having researched the topic I’ve learned that I left the hospital with their shared perspective.

Up until this time I had not solidified my spiritual beliefs. I hadn’t really thought about it in great depth. After my “hic-up” I was coming at the world with a new perspective and reflected back on the religious teachings that I had received. I asked myself, “Deb, what do you really BELIEVE?” I suddenly had an urgency I’d never felt before in 60+ years. I had to identify my spiritual (not religious) beliefs.

What I cannot explain is, like the tablets of Moses, it was suddenly written out for me. It was like some great voice from above said, “Duh!” There was a clarity that I’d never had before.

I acknowledged that there is an equal spirit in everyone. (Equal being the key word). Not that I ever meant to give value to people, but I now saw them equally and looked for their spirit. Different but equal.

I remember when, about two years ago, I was walking through my house. As I passed the TV I saw a young man speaking on a local cable channel. He had cerebral palsy and the production of the show was of lower quality. The “old” me would have just kept walking. Instead, I stopped and looked into the eyes of the man speaking, hoping to glimpse his spirit. There it was! Saying, “I’m in here and I’m doing the best I can with this body. I may need a little help.”  The subject of the show was to promote legislation creating more handicapped accessibility.  They got my vote!

We share the planet at this time with every spirit globally.  Not every spirit lands in a body or location that is ideal. I lucked out. ..this time.

Another striking change has been the awareness of my personal presence globally. I share the Earth with every other person that exists. I am blessed to live this “run through” in a perfect place. I am surrounded by the beauty of nature and peace. More than ever before, I embrace it. I am responsible to keep it beautiful. It does not end and go away when each of us die. It is our responsibility to maintain and improve it for future generations.  If what I believe is correct, we’ll all be coming back again as those future generations. Who knows where we’ll land? It’s this perspective that causes the anger in me when I hear about the destruction of historical & religious monuments by ISIS. Because of them, those pieces of History (mankind’s history) won’t be there when I return. They’re like bullies that break everyone’s toys so nobody can have them.

I became extremely sensitive to worldly events. The horror of what we (I) were witnessing just didn’t make sense. I found myself screaming at the TV and feeling more adamant about speaking out.

Then, this past June I was persuaded to start a Blog.  I have million funny tales to tell and that’s what I thought the posts would be. (Thanks Joan, Deb and Jordana for encouraging me). But I soon discovered that I felt compelled to write about the wrongs of the world. I could see that we were approaching a turn in the road that we simply must take if we are going to right these wrongs.  I wouldn’t say I was driven to sculpt the Vatican from mashed potatoes, but it was ever present in me and I put those surges in posts.

Now to today. The Pope…what a guy! Can you imagine my excitement when this special person that has global clout and the ear of the world started saying the very same things that had been screaming inside me? He has been heard (and they HEARD him) by the governments and religions of the entire world. If change is to happen, we will never have a better opportunity. Ladies and gentlemen, I believe we are participants in one of the most compassionate turns in History.

I am not going to continue to give a play-by-play of the Pope’s visit because he is creating mini-miracles continuously. More than once I thought about how his presence and receptions are similar to scenes from John Huston’s movie The Bible. The messages are exactly the same. Now, can we do it right this time?

There will be a pall over the country when he leaves tomorrow. As with anyone that stirs the senses, you hate to see them leave and feel a void for a while. We must realize that he is truly the World’s Pope. That good feeling that he gives everyone, is ours for the taking. He’s not gone, just in a different neighborhood. His core fire is great enough to keep our flames ignited.  He proved that. And besides, it’s not like he’s on a different planet!

There was a moment yesterday that I felt inadequate in his “call to arms”. It then quickly came to me that I can do what God intends and make a positive difference. I will take ownership of my surroundings and the people in them. I will see the spirits in others and respect them as equals. I will do what I can to give help when needed. I will not contribute to the destruction of the planet. I will respect and take care of my plot of earth for the rest of you.

It will be interesting to watch the news shift to the political fiasco. The level of maturity will probably drop to an all-time low.

But, the playing field has changed.  And it will be interesting to see how often the message of the Pope comes into play.

You see…the Golden Rule…a LOT of people got “it”.

Before I talk about today’s events, I MUST address John Boehner’s resignation as Speaker of the House. This is a man that holds one of the highest powers in the greatest country on Earth. There is no doubt in my mind that this is fallout from the Pope’s visit.

I actually was going to write something yesterday about Boehner’s emotional breakdown while in the presence of Francis. My eyes kept going to Boehner who was to the left and behind the Pope. He was holding back an explosion of emotion. I know that feeling when the rush of emotion is like a tsunami pushing to break out.  I’d say he got “it”.

Today, when he was asked if the Pope’s visit was a factor in his decision to resign, he replied “no”. In the same news conference he later said his decision had basis in “The Golden Rule.”

This morning Pope Francis visited and spoke before the General Assembly of the United Nations. It was the same message…take care of the poor, take care of the planet and contribute to the betterment of other human beings. He touched on war, persecution, drug trafficking , greediness and just about everything that we need to acknowledge and correct.

At the 911 Monument he shared the stage with the leaders of 11 different organized religions. They each prayed from their individual doctrines, and the unanimous request was the Golden Rule.

I listened to and watched the Pope’s address to a joint session of Congress this morning. I actually felt my spirit surge when he directed everyone to follow the “Golden Rule”. I yelped and cried. Man, did I call that one or what!!! It spooked me.

The icing on the cake was when the first words out of the mouth of the female commentator for CNN were, “They get it.”, referring to anyone listening. Yikes!!!

When he walked out on the Capital balcony after his speech there were tens of thousands of people waiting outside. The image of the “Sermon on the Mountain” came to my mind. (Which, by the way, is where the Golden Rule was introduced)  Only instead of bread & fishes, the miracle would have been creating enough portable phone charges for the masses. We do after all have Jimmy Johns.

I am not implying that Pope Frances is the second coming of Christ. I personally do not believe that he is. But, he is wise and he is special. What he is saying  is the fundamental basis for the majority of Organized Religions. His spirit is strong and he has the charisma and knowledge of a veteran soul.  He says it in a way that momentarily makes us think and feel the way we should always think and feel.

I am totally psyched for his speech to the United Nations Assembly. I believe he will keep repeating the same messages because they are basic and apply to every human being no matter where on our planet they live.

He is sparking fires in peoples souls…he’s sparked one in mine.

I hope and pray that, when the giddiness goes away, the fires keep burning. We cannot let his message become just the “story of the week”, replaced with Trump vs Fox becoming more important. Now is time for change and I think it’s possible. Let us accept that we can be the lucky ones to be part of a major compassionate turn in History.

I believe his core fire may be strong enough to keep the embers in each of our souls burning. I’ll keep soaking up any of his visit that I can.

For those of you that regularly read my posts (both of you) I am again approaching this post with the spiritual perspective.

I am truly looking forward to the Pope’s visit. Not with the normal Catholic view of his role in the Catholic Church but with the hopes he becomes the World’s Pope. I’m hoping that he can say “It” so that many more people “get It”. The IT I’m referring to is the Golden Rule. ..basically how humans treat each other.

His messages focus on poverty, the environment, religious freedom and the refugees of the world. The solutions to all these problems come only from the citizens of the Earth joining forces to cause change..

I believe there are spirits that have “been around the block” a few times. They know what the ultimate goal is, and they come back stronger each time to make the planet better and closer to our goal. They get “It” and try to spread the word. There are many of these veterans trying to change the world. The majority of these people are all around us and making  small but worthwhile changes. One such person is Mary Jo Copeland who has dedicated her life to helping the poor citizens of the Twin Cities since 1985. Our own Mother Theresa.

The Pope on the other hand has a voice that will be heard by the entire world at one time. He will speak before both the US Congress and the UN in the next few days. It takes the right veteran spirit, in the right position and the right time & place to explain “It”.

As I’ve told my kids, “I can explain it to you, but I can’t understand it for you.” It takes the right person saying it in a certain way that makes the lightbulb go on. I believe that Pope Frances is that person. It will be a joy to watch him in action.

I am trying to contain my frustration with the destruction caused by ISIS…again! They have now destroyed the Temple of Bel in Syria which was built nearly 2000 years ago. At times like this I contend that ISIS stands for It Sure Is Stupid or more appropriately It Surely Is Satan. I am not going to go into the historical ramifications but here is a list human rights abuse and war crime findings against ISIS.

• 5.1 Religious and minority group persecution
• 5.2 Treatment of civilians
• 5.3 Child soldiers
• 5.4 Sexual violence and slavery
• 5.5 Attacks on members of the press
• 5.6 Beheadings and mass executions
• 5.7 Use of chemical weapons
• 5.8 Destruction of cultural and religious heritage

Let’s just call ISIS exactly what they are…bullies! Below is the definition of “Bullying” (thanks to wikipedia)

Bullying is the use of force, threat, or coercion to abuse or intimidate, or aggressively dominate others. The behavior is often repeated and habitual. One essential prerequisite is the perception, by the bully or by others, of an imbalance of social or physical power, which is what distinguishes bullying from conflict. Behaviors used to assert such domination can include verbal harassment or threat, physical assault or coercion, and such acts may be directed repeatedly towards particular targets.

This is how I view ISIS. They have taken it upon themselves to decide life or death for their victims. They have decided that there is no value in historical monuments or religions. They take over cities and towns as though it is to be expected. The reality is the entire planet is their so-called target. All of this is happening before our very eyes.

I remember seeing on “World At War” the German citizens being forced to view the atrocities that the Nazis had committed against the Jews at Buchenwald. They gagged, cried (many sobbed) and were appalled at what their fellow countrymen had done. Their only defense was “We didn’t know.” That was 1945 and history will never tell us what they would have done if they’d known.

But that excuse doesn’t apply to us. We DO know! We watch it daily now, sometimes “live”.  These are bullies to the ultimate extreme and at this point we’re essentially bystanders.

Of typical bystanders (wikipedia)

Often, bullying takes place in the presence of a large group of relatively uninvolved bystanders. In many cases, it is the bully’s ability to create the illusion that he or she has the support of the majority present that instills the fear of “speaking out” in protestation of the bullying activities being observed by the group. Unless the “bully mentality” is effectively challenged in any given group in its early stages, it often becomes an accepted, or supported, norm within the group.

Unless action is taken, a “culture of bullying” is often perpetuated within a group for months, years, or longer.

Bystanders who have been able to establish their own “friendship group” or “support group” have been found to be far more likely to speak out against bullying behavior than those who have not.

There is growing research that suggests interventions should build on the foundation that bullying is morally wrong

 My greatest concern is that we are again becoming desensitized to the evil happening in our world today. We see it, hear about it, talk about it and want it to go away. We then go about our daily lives and do nothing, accepting that it’s just another chapter in History.

I believe we must create a “Citizen of Earth Group” to counter this evil cluster of bullies. A good time to do this is now. October is just around the corner and it is “National Anti-Bullying Month”. Wouldn’t that be something if the entire world, as one unit, spent an entire month eliminating bullying? Obviously ISIS would be at the top of the list. And, given time, we could turn our attention to Putin of Russia, Kim-Jong-un of North Korea, XiJinping of China and the list goes on.

All 50 US states have Anti-Bullying legislation. We could build on them to create a planet wide policy.

We have our own national bully here in the USA. We call him Trump. He’s a bully in the true sense of the word. The one redeeming quality is that he doesn’t have the power (nor the inclination) to kill masses and destroy whatever is in his way….yet. He is, however, in a position to cause some National and International collateral damage with his loose cannon approach. Since I do not believe it would be good for the planet if the Donald had control of a country (any country), this would be a job for the mighty ”Citizens of Earth Group”(CEG).

The first line of action for the CEG  will be to arrange a sequestered meeting between Trump, Putin, Kim-Jong-un and XiJinping. They should meet in Ar-Raqqah, Syria which is the headquarters for ISIS. (We wouldn’t want them to miss out in the festivities.) The moderator will be a female newscaster, which should trigger the tempers of everyone involved.  I don’t believe they should be locked up together all month. Heck, I’d give them a long week-end…that should do it. We may discover that the best way to beat a bully is with another bully. Take away the buttons they threaten to push and armies they’ve controlled and they’re all just human beings…no greater or lesser than you or me.

Sadly,the reality is that there is no ”Citizens of Earth Group”. I used to think that the United Nations served this purpose…obviously not.

Personally, I can’t say “I didn’t know” and now you can’t say it either. Since we are aware of the atrocities and bullying we must start the small but building voice that will become so loud that nothing else can be heard. If you tell 2 people and they tell 2 people…you know how it goes. The message must be “This is not acceptable and cannot exist. We are not bystanders!”. As Martin Luther King Jr said,”Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter”. And the famous quotation by Edmond Burke, “The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing” rings as true today as it did in the 1700’s when he made this statement.

I will speak out against bullying. I will keep myself aware of current affairs and look for any opportunity to make a difference.I will not become desensitized.

I must admit that I don’t expect to see all the crazy bullies eliminated within my lifetime, but I do see good things happening. The citizens of Hungary showing such compassion to the Syrian refugees is where it starts. We must be grateful that they were “Citizens of Earth”.

Two young friends of mine are getting married next month and I don’t think I can give them a gift more valuable than advice. I speak from almost 40 years of experience in the trenches of matrimony, remarkably with the same person. Let’s just say I’ve been married longer than I’ve been single.

I must start with the wedding. If you’re going to put time and money into having a ceremony with family and friends invited, keep your goal in mind at all times. That goal should be that you are surrounded by people that know and love you. They should be there to let you know they agree with your choices in partners and believe you are the best co-pilot for the other’s flight through life. They are essentially your send-off party.  Sadly, I’ve truly felt that way at only about 30% of weddings that I’ve attended…which is probably why I now attend only the weddings that I approach with that attitude. The rest are just expensive parties.

Our entire wedding cost $127 and that included my dress. Granted, it was 1976, but even then that was cheap. We needed things when we got married. Items such as furniture, rent money, groceries etc. We couldn’t afford to throw an expensive party that was gone after one day. And I didn’t have the desire to be Princess for a day. Enough said. Just throw a party you can afford. One that is meant to enjoy, not to impress.

Even before the wedding, decide which committee you each will be in the partnership. For example, I am the food committee in our marriage. I enjoy cooking and David enjoys eating. David admitted early in our marriage that he didn’t know how to cook nor was he going to learn. In his words “If I learn how to cook, you’ll expect me to do it.”

When the kids were growing up we had sit down dinners at least 6 days a week which is one of the good traditions we had that holds memories. To keep the shelves full I was the shopping for food committee, but David now does about 1/3 of the grocery store runs. I like to think of it as his “hunter & gatherer” instinct maturing.

The laundry committee has changed hands over the years but David is the Chairman of the wash and I’m the Queen of the fold.  When it comes to ironing, I bowed out of that responsibility early. Nothing drastic like burning his clothes. I just said that I’d iron mine and he would iron his. (The same policy applied to sending thank you cards to relatives). One Christmas when I was broke, I gave him my ironing services for one year as a gift. I think he thought it was a permanent thing…but no. That year the last thing I ironed for him was a shirt for New Years Eve. I then closed up the squeaky ironing board for the last time and I have never given that gift again..…although it was one the most appreciated gifts I gave him.

The outdoor responsibilities were never defined, merely assumed. The difference in our perspectives can best be defined by our approach to gardening.  David sees the weeds and I see the flowers. David does the maintenance and I do the decorating.  Without the flowers I plant it’s just a well-manicured yard. Without David’s weeding the beauty of the flowers cannot be displayed. This balance of perspectives created a beautiful yard.  Recognize your strengths/differences and make them complement each other.

The financial committee is one that must be determined more than any other. When it came to money matters David & I winged it so to speak. We were educated in what I call “hippie economics” which translates to no economics. We should have handled our early finances much smarter and planned more for the future. A lot of our struggles would have been avoided if we had planned.

Now I want to denounce two widely expressed statements. The first is “Never go to bed angry.” There were times that I would have been prone for days on end if I followed that belief. In the heat of a disagreement it would be sociopathic to suddenly turn to each other, smile and kiss goodnight because it’s beddie bye time. I’m not saying that the concept is bad…just unrealistic.

The other misleading statement is “Love means never having to say you’re sorry”. I think the assumption is that you will never do anything you’ll need to apologize for. Reality check…you’re going to make mistakes. The statement should be “Love means you’re always prepared and willing to say you’re sorry.”  If you want to believe the never go to bed mad idea, you’d better be prepared to say you’re sorry.

Do not play the “parent-child” game. When David would talk to me in the father mode, I would simply remind him that growing up I didn’t have one of “them”. I was raised by a widow…so I knew it could be done. And although he had a great mom, he didn’t want to live with her. The parent-child fight almost always regresses to a child-child spat. I recognized this had happened to us when I heard myself telling David that my Mom could beat up his Mom. In other words, treat each other as an equal…adult to adult. Recognize and check yourself when you find yourself talking down to your partner.

Remember the expression that “you are not now where you always will be.” When times are tough, get through them united. When they are good, enjoy them together and work to keep it good. I remember once in tough times David asked me “Are we going to make it?” My response was “I didn’t know we had a choice.” The choice is how you get through it.

You are vowing to be there for each other through better, richer and health. You are also agreeing stay through worse, poorer and sickness. Spoiler alert!!  They all will happen. Choose to get through them with your spirits joined.

With 15+ candidates running for the Republican 2016 Presidential position, I shudder to think about the consequences of having so many candidates. Think about planning THAT debate. There will only be one question asked per debate … and Rand Paul will be asked to speak last.

The grassroots campaigns are just around the corner. The pamphlets and phone calls and doorknockers…oh my! The challenge is on and I have made an art out of dealing with such things.

The pamphlets are the easy one. I simply took the first pamphlet that I was given and always carried it with me. The next time that someone gave their pamphlet I gave mine to them. Their print proclamation now became my exchange item for the next person who wanted to trade. You could say I’ve been “many things to many people”.

The phone calls don’t happen as much anymore since I’m listed on the Do Not Call list.  But when they did call I had some pat answers. Fixing dinner (breakfast, lunch), sitting down to dinner (breakfast, lunch) or going out to dinner (breakfast, lunch) and running late are usually effective but amateur.

I took this on as a creative challenge. When the charity called offering to sell me lightbulbs that would last 10 years my befuddled response was “I bought them from you last year. If they’re everything you say they are I shouldn’t need to hear from you for 9 more years.” Or when any Police or Fire Dept. “charities” call I say, with a nervous (possibly desperate…but scared works too) voice “Oh, I thought you were my husband’s probation officer. I’ve got to keep this line open”! click.

The door-to-door solicitors are my favorite. I actually have props for the spiffy dressed religious disciples.

We had a 7^th Day Adventist church in Worthington.  Since everyone knew each other and saw each other all the time, the members of the church only printed one pamphlet called The Review. Once, maybe twice a month depending on the weather they would just walk through the neighborhoods. If they saw someone outside they’d just hold up the rectangular piece of color laminated paper and point to it. The neighbor would nod and the disciples would say “Amen”, and keep on walking. If there was any conversation it consisted of the neighbor saying “I know. I’m sorry. I’m saved.” And then waving or nodding to the church people who then said “Amen”, and kept on walking.

These days when I see an unfamiliar car (usually black but always shiny) parked in the neighborhood, I prepare my arsenal.  I first make sure my cross necklace is on the outside of my shirt. I then grab my glasses with the cracked lens and put them on. I place the stack of Bibles, Prayer Books and Guideposts on the entryway table making sure there’s a rosary draped over them. Time allowing, I have an incense scented spray. I then light a candle and sit in wait. Before they can ring the doorbell I open the door (wide enough to expose my “books and beads”) and immediately say “Oh. I thought you were someone from my Bible study group coming back. I’m pretty prayed out but if you leave a pamphlet I’ll read it when my glasses are fixed.” I then take from my pocket the last pamphlet I’d traded and give it to them. I think the fact that the pamphlet I traded them was one I’d received from a Pro Choice group may explain why they haven’t been back for a while.

A couple of my personal favorites are the guy who was delivering fresh beef to my neighbor and had some “extra” on his truck that he’d cut me a deal if I’d buy it. The fact that the house he pointed to belonged to an elderly couple from India was a tip off. My response…”We’re vegetarian.” Done.

The other is the young lad that knocks on my door selling a single serve packet of popcorn that is labeled not for resale. He’s asking $5 for the popcorn and you will help to send him to a Bible camp. The only time I’ll pay $5 for a single serving of popcorn is if it comes with a movie and lots of butter. Here is the easiest brushoff you can have. “Is it gluten free? How about trans fats and sugars?” Believe me, the expression on their face is priceless.  You give them the come back when you know shrug, say good-by and close the door.

As I see it, I’ve got to get ready for the barrage of campaigning and polling because such a large cast of characters it will be crazy. Since I’ve never followed Republican politics I’ve got some studying up to do. I figure I’ve got just a few months left before I’ll need my arsenal of retorts. I plan to familiarize myself with the candidates and get the appropriate ammo for each of them. I should be ready by Christmas!!

I already am familiar with one candidate…Donald Trump. My retort…every circus needs a clown.