Below is the very first post I wrote for my blog…June 8, 2015.  I have been asked for parenting advice lately, and I thought of this post. It pretty much says it all. As an update, since I referred to the Golden Rule back then, I have researched 50 legitimate Religions, and EVERY one has a Golden Rule. I wrote about it in my post titled “Spiritual Cruise Control”. I hope you enjoy my first post.

6/8/15

When deciding the topic for my first leap into the world of blogs the answer became obvious to me. I may only blog once, so I’ll dedicate it to the person that got me here..

I recently met a young man while purchasing technology. We connected on not only a professional level but also the human level.  Cool your jets! There were no shades of gray or any other color.

He told a sadly touching story of his youth. I won’t go into details because that’s his story to tell.

The one thing that moved me the most was his lack of Motherly advice throughout his life. Well, I’ve got plenty of advice. Here are some things that I want this young man, and anyone who wants to listen, to hear from the perspective of a Mom with love that is unconditional.

I am the mother of Adult Children (now there’s an oxymoron if ever I heard one). The first 11 items are things I’ve told my children since I knew they could understand. Some of them may sound childish and they are. But many adults still haven’t learned them.

1. If there isn’t blood or danger there will be NO screaming
2. If you’re not using them in what you’re doing, 90% of the time it shouldn’t matter what your genitals are.
3. If someone is putting a gift in your hand, “Thank you” should be coming out of your mouth.
4. There are times and places where you must behave and be quiet.
5. Being polite is not an exception in your behavior.
6. The second time I ask you will be the last before I get mad.
7. Everyone has an equal spirit. (Essentially The Golden Rule).
8. There are consequences to everything you do AND don’t do.
9. Never be somewhere without making a difference you’d been there.
10. Be aware of your surroundings and appreciate when it’s nature.
11. You are not now where you always will be. In good times relish the moment. In hard times do what you can to move forward.

The advice that I offer now comes from recent reflections of my own life and I direct this to the adult in you. To be honest, I believe the younger you are when you accept these things, the better.

CONTROL has become one of the most important words to me. It is defined as “the power to direct or regulate.” You and you alone have the power to direct and regulate your own life. When someone tells you “I can’t control how you feel” they are right. They can be poopy and set the scene for you to feel bad or attacked. They control the “poopy” but you control how you accept it and how you react to it.  You control the decisions made for love or money. You control what you believe and how you live your faith. You control your reaction to emotional situations.

Strive for peace. One of my favorite sayings is: “PEACE. It does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble or hard work. It means to be in the midst of those things and still be calm in your heart.” I have discovered that peace and control work very well together.

The other side of the coin is recognizing what you do not have control of. I can’t tell you how many nights I lay in bed awake at 3:00 am with thoughts swirling in my head. I would feel a fist grab my gut and hold on. I just wanted the escape of sleep. I’ve now come to realize that I didn’t have any control of most of the things that I was worrying about. I didn’t have control of the paperwork in the system, but I worried about it. I didn’t have control over other people’s choices, but I worried about them. I didn’t have control over the car breaking down, but I worried about it. You get the idea?

I now recognize what I DO have control of and I try my best to be smart and compassionate while owning it and the resulting consequences. Just as important, I recognize what I DON’T have control of and I release them to the responsible parties. It frees me to have more clarity dealing with my own goals and I am happier.

Connect with your own spirituality. I’m not talking about religion. To me religions are just vehicles and right now there are some crazy things going on in some of them. I wonder what they told the 72 Virgins. Yikes!  Too many evils and odd things are passed under the guise of religions.

I was raised Catholic and gained a strong base to start my spiritual search . I now call myself a recovering Catholic and I no longer think Desert Storm was my fault. As far as I’m concerned the goal of every religion should be to promote the Golden Rule. That way we’d all have the same goal, just different ways to get there.

What I’m talking about is that spark that is you. There are two parts to each of us. One is our body, upon which way too much emphasis has been put. Then there’s your spirit or as many people call it…your soul. When my children were conceived, I never once felt so arrogant as to think I created their spirits. I knew they came from a greater place. I was only responsible for creating a vessel with DNA for a spirit to land in and then guiding that vessel in the “ways of the world”. As someone said to me right after I had my first child, “He’s not a blank sheet of paper, there’s someone in there”. Find your spirit. Better yet, look for it in other people too…everybody has one. You’ll be surprised how people react when they know you’re really seeing them…

Listen to the experiences of others. The older the person, the more experiences they’ve had. Learn from their mistakes. Last summer my son Nick (25) and I were going to sit and chat in the backyard. I went out first and went to sit on the lawn chairs that we received for free. (We discovered that they were probably given away for free because they held water after a rain storm.) I patted the seat to see if it was wet. It was dry. I then pushed down a bit firmer. Still dry. I sat down and within seconds I could feel the moisture seeping through my pants. (I was just glad it was cold not warm.) I moved to a folding chair. When Nick joined me he headed right toward the chair that had the deceptive seat. I said “Don’t sit there, your pants will get wet.” He leaned down and patted the cushion. I said “I tried that. Don’t sit there, your pants will get wet.”   He looked at me with a hint of doubt and pushed a bit firmer on the cushion. I said “Tried that too. Don’t sit there, your pants will get wet.” With a shrug of his shoulders he turned and sat in the hydrodynamic chair. I must say I did find pleasure watching his face get redder as his shorts got darker from bottom up. Now instead of saying “Don’t do that, I made that mistake” I simply say “Your pants will get wet.” He smiles and nods. More importantly he understands. The value of experience took on a new meaning between us. Essentially, I can explain it to him but I can’t understand it for him.

Finally, hold on to true friends. Choose friends that make you laugh and feel good about yourself but are honest with you.  Through life you will make decisions that may take you to dark places. Always have at least two people that will always give you advice that they truly believe is best for you. It may be to reroute you on a path you’re going because they see it from the outside and they care. Their perspective should always be heard.  Become a true friend in return. To paraphrase an old saying, “Good friends are like stars. You don’t always see them, but you always know they’re there.”

I am now a star in your world.