Below is an email exchange between Henry and Liza. The first entry is Henry emailing Liza with a dilemma. Liza’s responses are in italics. This is their exchange about a bucket conundrum.

(H)There’s a hole in the bucket, dear Liza, dear Liza,
There’s a hole in the bucket, dear Liza, a hole.

(L)Then fix it, dear Henry, dear Henry, fix it.
(H)With what shall I fix it, dear Liza, with what?

(L) With straw, dear Henry, dear Henry, with straw.
(H)The straw is too long, dear Liza, too long.

(L)Then cut it, dear Henry, dear Henry, cut it.
(H)With what shall I cut it, dear Liza, with what?

(L) With an axe, dear Henry, dear Henry, an axe.
(H)The axe is too dull, dear Liza, too dull.

(L)Then sharpen it, dear Henry, dear Henry, sharpen it.
(H)With what shall I sharpen it, dear Liza, with what?

(L)With a stone, dear Henry, dear Henry, a stone.
(H)The stone is too dry, dear Liza, too dry.

(L)Then wet it, dear Henry, dear Henry, wet it.
(H)With what shall I wet it, dear Liza, dear Liza?

 (L)With water, dear Henry, dear Henry, with water.
(H)In what shall I carry it, dear Liza, in what?

(L) In a bucket, dear Henry, dear Henry, in a bucket.

(H)But there’s a hole in my bucket, dear Liza, dear Liza,
There’s a hole in my bucket, dear Liza, a hole.

 This is actually an old children’s song from the 18th century, appropriately named  “There’s A Hole in The Bucket”.

Keep in mind that this is a condensed version of the song. In the original rendition, each line is repeated throughout the song. I only did this in the first and last stanzas. (You should thank me).

This song went flashing through my brain when I recently endured the same lengthy process through email…again.

Without going into detail, the most recent experience started with an email that I sent to a tournament director asking him, “Are there going to be trophies or t-shirts for the winners?” After FOURTEEN emails, back and forth (7 exchanges) and 6 ½ hours later, I’m sending an email asking, “Men’s or Women’s sizes?”. Think about that for a second. I repeat, six and a half hours later!!

This issue could have been resolved in a 5-minute phone conversation. Plus, there would have been no misunderstandings regarding attitude and intent. I guess you could say that voices speak for themselves.

I am in no way condemning communication through email or text. I would never want to go back to the times when both the sender and receiver had to be available at the same time to communicate with each other. Nor, would I want to make the 30 individual calls to get the same message to 30 people at the same time. As the expression goes…oh, hell no!

However, I don’t like that it has put me in a position that I must email people first, just to see if I can call them. And, I find myself apologizing for asking them if we can actually talk to each other. As someone who loves a good conversation, email has cost me a lot of good laughs.

When I do conjure up the courage to call someone, I’m not just glad but also grateful when they answer. I am aware that they “chose” to talk to me when they saw my name on their smart phone. On the other hand, when they don’t answer it means that they “chose” not to talk to me. I know how the system works. I use it too.

Just because we can replace phone conversations with emails, doesn’t mean we should. Email can and should be used to keep several people “in the loop” when they must all be involved.  It can also be used at any time, not contingent on anyone else’s availability…say at 3:30am. There are many other advantages.

But, I will never concede that phone conversations are obsolete. I have always found pleasure in one-on-one, live conversations. It’s like visiting without leaving home. And a laugh heard is more valuable than one that is assumed.

As for Henry…my first and only response to him would have been:

“ Buy a new bucket, dear Henry, dear Henry, dear Henry.                                                                     Buy a new bucket, dear Henry, they’re on sale at Menards.”

Growing up as a Catholic I’ve said my fair share of Our Fathers. In second grade, I received the Sacrament of Confession. As with all Catholic Sacraments, there is a protocol to follow.

In a telephone booth with a kneeler, you tell the Priest behind a screened window all the sins you have committed since the last time you “talked”. It all starts with you making a sign of the cross while saying “Bless me father for I have sinned….”. There is a required script but I won’t go into that.

The completion of your Confession is when you cite the Commandment that you feel worst about breaking. You are then given a penitence based on the degree of your sins. This penitence consists of a combination of Hail Marys (HM) and Our Fathers (OF) that you must immediately recite to be absolved of your sins, concluding with a good Act of Contrition.

The Hail Mary is the lightweight prayer probably because it is exclusively Catholic. The Our Father on the other hand, is THE universal Christian prayer that God gave to all of us on the Mount. The more OFs you are assigned the more serious your infractions. I’ve heard that the “norm” is 2-3 OFs and 4 HMs.

Which brings us to why I am an authority regarding The Our Father prayer. Getting my Commandments mixed up I always cited the 5^th Commandment as the one I was “mostly” sorry for. That’s right, the one that says “Thou shalt not kill”. I followed the same script  every confession and I assumed that 30 OFs and 20 HMs was the standard penitence for “lying to my Mother once and fighting with my brother twice”. I also thought the gasp and pause behind the screen was Father Hale thinking “Not again.” Come to think of it, that’s probably exactly what he was thinking.

So, as someone who has probably recited the Our Father thousands of times I have decided to put my money where my mouth is. I am speaking specifically to the section that goes, “And forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive them that trespass against us”.  I have always translated the word “trespass” as meaning “having wronged”.

I recently found myself amid a “trespass” and in a position to make good the commitment that I’ve made thousands of times to God. I have always asked Him to forgive me in the same way I choose to forgive others. (shades of the Golden rule). In other words, I set the bar and He’ll follow my lead.

I decided that I could not live with the Power of Forgiveness that I possess and not use it. So, I did. I truly did. And what an incredible power it is. When I embraced forgiveness, I was filled with a feeling of warm fullness and clarity that pushed out and took the place of the cold anger, resentment and ache that were all trying to take root in my soul. Although some may view forgiving as a weakness, I found that it took all the spiritual strength I could muster. Jesus knew what He was talking about in that Sermon.

I don’t think the expression ” actions speak louder than words” is truer anywhere more than in the eyes of God. How many commitments to God do we make just through memorization, not taking our words to Him seriously? In the group of people standing during the Our Father on Sunday mornings, how many are just reciting the words from memory and not really planning to put them into action? Some won’t when asked to. They seem to think that sayin’ it is good enough for God. In the Heavenly circles this is referred to as “lip service”.

I don’t believe God is a big fan of the expression “take me for what I say and not for what I do”. He certainly doesn’t follow that practice